returning to work after maternity leave

returning to work after maternity leave

by newbjo ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

After being back at work for about 6 months now, I’ve been looking forward to sharing my story with the hope of helping others transition back into the workplace! I believe the secret is your preparation before you even have the baby!

This is just my story. My goal is not to pressure anyone to return to work. It’s also not to persuade you to take the exact steps I took – this is just what worked, and what continues to work, for me and my family.

When You Find Out The Big News

Even though I was only about 6 weeks pregnant when a stick told us we were having a baby, there were a few things I did (after the shock wore off).

  • Check your company’s maternity leave policy. I’m incredibly blessed; shortly after learning I was pregnant, my company increased maternity leave from 6 weeks to 16 weeks! Read up and contact your Human Resources department with questions.
  • Look into your partner’s options. mrJo used to work at the same company as me. Had he stayed, he would have benefited from an increased paternity leave from 2 weeks to 6 weeks! But at his job at the time, he had “unlimited PTO”. He ended up only being able to take 2 weeks off (barely). Anyway, read up on your partners’ policy, too!
  • Decide when to tell your boss. Completely up to you and what you’re comfortable with! You’re not obligated to tell anyone. You also don’t have to keep it from anyone. I told my manager at the time almost immediately. I was also really comfortable with her – still am. Telling her helped me have someone at work to get advice from about the process in general because she had just had a baby a couple years back.

When You’re About to Pop

Setting expectations before going on maternity leave also sets the tone for your return. The 2nd trimester is often the most energetic one! So be productive and get these things done before the uncomfortable third trimester gets the best of you.

  • Start filling out Human Resources/Leave of Absence forms. Depending on your company and providers there may be various forms or a packet that you need to complete. You may not be able to finish filling them out, but just get started so you know what you need.
  • Discuss plans with your manager/team. Get together to review what you’re currently working on/responsible for so that you can both agree on who will take on the responsibilities. Also try to set expectations on what your job will look like when you return. You may go back to business as usual, or there are other projects or responsibilities that you will transition into. Don’t expect your manager to have all the answers. Since my leave was 16 weeks, there really wasn’t a concrete answer as to what I would be working on when I returned. I am not a manager, but if you are, you probably should have a discussion with your reports about who they will work with while you’re gone and set expectations with them as well.
  • Provide resources for those picking up your work. It was important for me to make sure all of my work was in a central location so if I suddenly went into labor, anyone could find what I was working on. You may also want to document any processes/procedures you follow. For example if you work in retail, how do you open or close the store? How do you operate the cash register? If you’re a teacher, is there anything about your students your substitute should know?
  • Discuss a flexible schedule for the weeks leading up to your due date. It was such a fear of mine that I would go into labor in the middle of a meeting (I know, unlikely). So during my third trimester, I started working from home 2-3 times per week. Once I was full term, I worked from home full time. I realize this may not be an option for everyone, but it doesn’t hurt to have the conversation if you think it may help your situation!
  • Set your out of office notifications & define a communication plan. If you have a work email, get your automatic replies ready! Something like, “Thank you for your email. I am out of the office on maternity leave with no access to email. In my absence, please contact Blah Blah at 555-5555.” Also, ask your manager/team how you should notify them when you go into labor. For example, I texted a coworker and she sent an email for me until I was able to activate my out of office notification.

After You Meet Your Baby

You did it! You got to witness the miracle of life and your baby is finally here. And your maternity leave has started.

  • Take care of your Leave of Absence requirement/finish all the Human Resources requirements. That’s it, get that done so you can enjoy being a mommy! So. Much. Adulting.
  • Start looking into childcare options. Discuss with your partner early on what your preference is and research options in your area for a nanny, daycare, in-home options, etc. If you do it now, it’ll be less of a scramble prior to returning to work.
  • Be on maternity leave. Enjoy your baby, take care of yourself, rest, reflect.

Getting Ready to Return

Near the end of your maternity leave, there are a few things you might need to consider so that your transition back to work is [more] successful.

  • Make sure you have a wardrobe. After having a baby, your body changes! Try on some clothes and invest in some work outfits that you’re comfortable in, if necessary. I signed up for StitchFix because I’m not a good shopper and it definitely helped me stack my closet with work clothes that I was confident in!
  • Get back in your routine. Practice your new routine! I found it helpful to start having babyJo’s nanny come about a month before returning to work (so 75% into my leave). It really helped me get comfortable with her. I also tried my best to get up, get myself ready for the day, and get out of the house. Try timing yourself from start to finish so you know what time you’ll need to wake up in the morning to get to work on time.
  • Set expectations with your partner or support system. I found it helpful to communicate with mrJo on what I need from him in order for me to be successful when I returned to work. For me, I was also returning to school. So that meant I needed him to step in on some of the house chores that are normally on my to do list. I also asked him what he needed from me!

When You’re Back in the Office

It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for! You’ve done all of the preparation needed from the moment you found out you’re pregnant. So getting back into the swing of things will be easy, right? Well… I’m not making any promises there. But hopefully it helped! All that’s left to do is:

  • Figure out how to cope with spending less time with your baby. Your maternity leave gave you a lot of valuable, dedicated bonding time with the little one. You will definitely notice the difference in working versus being with the baby all day – even if you work from home! My way to cope probably won’t work for most (cue the judging). I didn’t have any pictures of babyJo, until just recently, at my desk. I also didn’t want any updates from my nanny (unless it was a question or emergency). Finally, I have a rule that if any milestones happen (crawling, walking, talking, etc.) my nanny cannot tell me – just let me see it when it happens again. I found that my day went by faster and I felt less like I was missing out because of those “rules”.
  • Meet with your manager one on one. Set your expectations for a work/life balance up front. Also clarify what your responsibilities are now that you’re back. Don’t overload yourself when you’re first back in the office! Also talk about any schedule needs you have based on child care.
  • Update/create goals. In order to set the focus as you get back into the workplace, write down the goals you have and the timelines. Discuss this with your manager as well as your team as needed.
  • Get feedback. Make sure your manager and your team are giving you constant, candid feedback on your work. It’s helpful to know where you stand because your performance may differ a little with your baby on your mind, or just because of your lack of sleep!

Every situation is different, but I hope you’re able to take some information away from my experience in order to help with yours! What are some tips that you can share about returning from maternity leave?

the first year is always the hardest

the first year is always the hardest

by newbjo ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Today mrJo and I celebrate one whole year together! And yes, the time did fly. We heard many things about this first year. Top 3?

It’s the honeymoon phase!

You’re newlyweds!

And most of all:

The first year is always the hardest!

The first two are so refreshing. But I always wondered why someone would say the third comment to newlyweds in the honeymoon phase. I understand being a realist, but what a buzz kill.

So how was our first year of marriage? BUSY. People joke about all the things we had going on during the first year. So here it is in chronological order!

September 20, 2015: First Comes Love, Then Comes

Marriage! After an 18 month engagement, we were definitely ready to tie the knot. We had an unforgettable wedding day with family & friends. Our officiant was also our pre-marital counselor. That made for such a personal experience rather than a scripted ceremony.

Side Note
Although this post is about marriage, I’ll state that our pre-marital counseling was the most uncomfortable and rewarding experience we’ve had. I mean uncomfortable in the best way possible. These sessions helped us have the crucial conversations that ultimately made the first year of marriage less difficult. We talked about communication styles, love languages, managing finances, sex, family, and so much more.

Our honeymoon was in Negril, Jamaica and we had a blast exploring the island and just relaxing in our resort. When we returned from Jamaica, it was back to reality.

November 2015: Moving In… With Parents

At this point, I was around 4 months pregnant and we wanted to stop paying rent and start saving to purchase a home. We went from renting a nearly 3000 sq. ft. home to living in one bedroom, one bathroom, and a den. I know, first world problems.

We were in the “Honeymoon Phase”. The challenge was living with my parents during a time where we really wanted to… show our affection to each other. Our room was right across the hall from where my parents slept. Are you starting to get our problem? Although my parents definitely gave us our privacy, it was still difficult to have a complete sense of privacy after living on our own for six months.

Although it’s not traditional, living together before marriage worked to our advantage. We didn’t need to get used to living habits during our first year. We knew how each other lived and had learned to live together. He knew to watch out for the drawers I leave open and the toothpaste lid would always be missing. I knew he would never put dirty clothes in the hamper (always 1 foot away from the hamper, but never in the hamper) and there would always be hair on the sink after he shaved his head & trimmed his beard.

January 2016: Marriage is About Compromise

After the holidays were over, we finally decided to meet with our realtor. We were determined to buy our first home before babyJo arrived in March. The back up plan was to rearrange our den at my parents’ house for a “nursery” and my parents definitely got attached to that idea (first time grandparents).

It would have been amazing if we had the exact same requirements during the house hunt. This was not the case. mrJo wanted a newer home and was okay with renovations. I knew an older home would be more in our budget and was absolutely against a house that needed work. In writing that, I realize our individual preferences were unreasonable.

We found that the hardest thing to agree on was the priority of properties to see. Once we actually went to a showing, we were on the same page about a lot of things. Some features we both agreed on included a decent sized master bathroom, a centralized location, good school districts, a nice backyard, and we didn’t want a pool.

Here came the scary part. The market was competitive at our price point and houses were flying off the market on the weekends. So we agreed with our realtor that we were open to submitting blind offers without both of us going to a showing. One day, mrJo left work to view a property. He texted me:

This is it!

This is where our trust was put to the test! And I think we passed with flying colors. I told him to submit the offer. After it was submitted, I was able to view the property and it was the perfect compromise. It was an older home that needed just a couple of small projects done, but was still move-in ready. This was about the fourth or fifth house that we fell in love with and submitted an offer.

February 2016: Moving Out… Together

It was nearing our deadline of February 28th when we got a call from our realtor. We were used to hearing “they didn’t accept the offer”, so our energy was low when we answered. Feeling defeated, we knew that when we reached our deadline we’d have to stop the house hunt and get ready for the baby to arrive while living at my parents’ house.

“They accepted the offer!”

Finally! Let’s buy our first home. What a great milestone for newlyweds. Although exhausted after the closing meeting, we were so excited.

As if we didn’t have enough going on, we had our baby/diaper shower the day before our big moving day. As we packed up at my parents house, I remember us commenting the entire time about how blessed we are. Over half of the moving truck was filled with gifts from our wedding and baby showers. That alone demonstrates how many people we have in our corner, which I believe is so important in a marriage.

March 2016: Then Comes a Baby in a Baby Carriage

After moving into our home, and spending about two weeks moving, painting, and cleaning it was time to have a baby. Once babyJo joined us, our whole world changed. Our marriage changed. Everything changed!

Through this experience we became a true team. We also really learned the importance of communication. We had to be open with each other about what we need, including updating each other on our love languages.

Prior to having a baby, physical touch and acts of service were not as important to me. But because my body had just gone though such a dramatic change, I needed some validation from mrJo in the form of physical touch. I needed more hugs, or even just his hand on my leg while we watched TV. I needed acts of service because I am not a natural homemaker and I’m a first time mom. Taking care of the baby and cooking, and doing laundry, and doing the dishes, and getting the mail all by myself was going to be too much for me. I needed him to serve me as well.

Because my need for acts of service increased, so did his need for words of affirmation. Also, since we added a new member to our little family, he needed more quality time with me. It couldn’t just be about babyJo.

April 2016: Date Night

Before having a baby, we just went on dates when we wanted to! We had to make an adjustment with a newborn. For the first six weeks of babyJo’s life, we didn’t have a date night. I actually don’t think I ever got out of pajamas before then. At this point we started monthly date nights without babyJo, and weekly date nights as a family.

Monthly, we put a lot more thought into our date night. It’s an event that’s planned ahead or tickets need to be purchased, or a nice dinner. Weekly, it’s usually dinner at our regular restaurant just the three of us. Or even if we stay in, we watch a movie together or just talk – but we make sure we’re spending time together with undivided attention.

Sometimes the monthly date nights come long overdo! There have been times when we find ourselves not in sync, arguing over small things, or just not communicating effectively. Then babyJo’s grandparents watch him for a night or over the weekend and we have time to ourselves. It always makes such a huge difference!

June 2016: Adios, babyJo!

Before babyJo was even in my belly, mrJo and I planned a trip for a destination wedding in Mexico! After we found out the news, we went back and forth about whether or not we should cancel the trip given that we’d be new parents. We’re both so glad we didn’t!

We got some much needed us time for an extended period of time (even though we were calling quite often to check on babyJo). We got to party together, relax together, and talk together. We had a lot of conversations about how we can better communicate with each other. Conversations like those are a lot easier to have with the sound and view of the ocean in the background (and a margarita).

September 2016: Round 2

As we reflect on our first year of marriage, we realize that we stayed busy. Pregnancy, a new house, our first child, job changes, a new car, and new priorities. While preparing for year two of marriage, we plan to take these steps to make sure that the first year remains the hardest:

  • Make SMART goals for the year (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timebound)
  • Have weekly family meetings to check in our each other and monitor progress on our goals
  • Have an additional weekly meeting focused on finances
  • Limit big decisions (no more new cars, new houses, new humans, etc.)

We can’t truly comment on whether or not the first year was actually the hardest; it’s all we know! It did have it’s hard moments, but I think through it all we were able to learn a lot about each other. We even learned a lot about ourselves individually. This has been an amazing journey and I’m so happy to be mrsJo!

my husband doesn’t help with the baby!

my husband doesn’t help with the baby!

by newbjo ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

As I write this, babyJo will be 6 months old soon. I’m now a working mom, after 16 weeks of maternity leave. To top that off, I started back in my graduate school program after taking a semester off when I first had the baby.

I wake up around 6:30 AM and pump (or feed the baby if he’s awake), get bottles ready for the day, put out the baby food, get ready and try to be out the door shortly after the nanny gets to the house. I get home from work and normally the timing works so the baby is ready to eat.

My plate is a bit overloaded at times. And my husband doesn’t help with the baby! Here’s why.

He’s His Daddy

When I was pregnant, mrJo and I talked a lot about this being our baby. Meaning we can both take care of him. It doesn’t just have to be me just because I’m the mama. And we’ve done just that.

Honestly, it took awhile for mrJo to get going. Motherly instincts are strong and I was able to adapt to the new life a lot quicker. It probably took me getting mastitis for him to really get it. Because he had to. I couldn’t feed the baby since I was on antibiotics and was either loopy or sleep from the pain meds.

When I have the baby I’m not “helping” mrJo. I’m his mom. Same applies as a dad.

He’s Bonding

Bonding time between baby and dad is just as important, to us, as between baby and mom. After babyJo was born, I started my 16 week maternity leave and mrJo started his 2 week paternity leave.

At the end of that 2 weeks he went back to work and I continued to bond 24/7. We started to notice little things that clearly hurt mrJo’s feelings. babyJo would only really look at me and smile at me. He didn’t pay attention to his daddy when he was in the room.

A couple of months later, mrJo got a new job and there was a 2 week gap between his last day and his first day. During that time, he spent as much time as he could with the baby. And it really made a difference! Also, that week before was when I got mastitis. So he really got 3 weeks of solid bonding time.

Since then, when mrJo comes in a room, babyJo is focused on him and only him! I actually get frustrated sometimes when I’m nursing him or trying to feed him bananas. He really stops everything to look, smile, and laugh at his daddy.

He Enjoys It

A couple of weekends ago mrJo told me “me and babyJo are going to the store!” He got stopped way too many times by people saying “awww you’re giving mom a break?”. Umm, what?

Okay wait. I will say that I enjoyed the nap I had while they were gone. But that’s not why he took him. He did it because he enjoys spending time with his son! When I take babyJo to the store, I’m just being a mom. Y’all, he’s just being a dad!

So, no – mrJo does not help me with the baby. We raise our son together.

What do you think about men “helping” with their baby? What about “babysitting”?

16 hours later – my natural birth story

16 hours later – my natural birth story

by newbjo ♥ 1 Comment

Part 1: The Foreshadowing

At 11AM on Friday, March 11, 2016 mrJo and I walked into the doctors office for what was now my weekly appointments with my OB/GYN. It was just a routine check in, measuring the baby and hearing the heartbeat. Then when the doctor checked me, I was about 1 cm dilated. This didn’t really raise any concern; the doctor just said that I could have the baby at any time – not necessarily that I was in labor. “It could be next week or you could have the baby tomorrow. We really don’t know”.

Then my nightmare of planning a natural childbirth in a hospital started to come true. He said he wanted to schedule me for an induction! I really started to get frustrated. I told him that’s the one thing I didn’t want. He responded that it was only a precaution and “penciled me in” for March 29th (one week and one day after my due date). I was frustrated and thought to myself “you can schedule me all you want, but I’m not coming in until the baby wants to come!” Little did I know my concern would soon prove to be irrelevant.

Part 2: Intense Nesting

After the doctor’s appointment, I had an overwhelming need to start hardcore preparing. I was still working, but from home. I focused the rest of that day on completing the hand off of all of my work, cancelling meetings I had on the calendar, and telling others to take over.

After I was done working for the day, I started planning to make freezer/crockpot meals for after the baby was born because I knew we wouldn’t have the time or energy to cook. So as I was making the grocery list, I realized I hadn’t even packed the hospital bag! So I included those items in the list (I’ll do a separate post on my freezer meals & hospital bag). I spent two hours at Target buying groceries to hold us over for a bit, the ingredients for the freezer meals, and my hospital bag items.

When I got home I started packing my hospital bag and then it was time to get ready for bed. I was planning to use the next day (Saturday) to actually prep the freezer meals. LOL at that.

Part 3: My Naturally Induced Labor

I’m not sure how to elegantly put this so that if family or coworkers end up reading this it’s not weird. So whatever. I was not trying to jump start labor, but sex definitely has that effect whether you like it or not. So after mrJo and I had sex that night, things started to get interesting.

I felt a lot of pain afterwards, but being 9 months pregnant I didn’t really think anything of it. Of course I Googled it and it didn’t seem uncommon (especially after not trying to be gentle – sorry, graphic, but whatever). However, mrJo still thought my pain was a little strange. So he decided to go to bed around 11PM that Friday night. The advice we had gotten was that if you think you’re in labor, do your best to go to sleep in order to prepare for a lot of hard work.

Part 4: Early Labor

Although I did my best to stay horizontal, I could NOT get comfortable in bed. I started to realize this felt a little different. Around 1AM on Saturday morning, the pain started to really be noticeable. I got up to use the restroom and there was the “bloody show” (hint, hint: this is where it’s going to get pretty detailed). I remembered books, posts, and stories about this and also remembered that this could start happening weeks or days before labor for first time moms. So I stayed in denial. Around 2AM I lost my mucus plug. I figured now was a good time to wake up mrJo.

He started asking “Is it time to go to the hospital?!”. I said no. I wanted to stay at home until I really couldn’t anymore so I could reduce the likelihood of medical interventions. I said I needed water and fruit because I knew if we did go to the hospital, they wouldn’t let me eat or drink. I wanted to have energy if this was the real deal.

I realized I had packed my hospital bag, but didn’t have babyJo’s going home outfit! So we headed into the nursery and we (me on my hands and knees having contractions) picked out his outfit and packed it. By this time we had told our immediate families that I may be in early labor. The text at 2:40AM read:

“Hi fam – Just to keep you posted we think I may be in early labor. It may be false so we’re giving it a couple of hours. I’ll let you know if we decide to go to the hospital.”

At this point we were timing contractions. They were about a minute long and averaged 6 or 7 minutes apart.

About an hour later, I had a contraction that made me blurt “let’s go to the hospital!”. All mrJo kept saying was “get a towel!!” because his biggest fear was that I would give birth in the car. LOL at him thinking a towel would solve that problem! We had our bags packed and headed out the door and I sent a text at 4:01 AM, “We are headed to the hospital now. Please don’t go anywhere yet. We will let you know what they say”.

When we got to the hospital, my water started to break as we were waiting for the elevator. “Wait… something is happening down there” were my exact words, I believe. It’s not like the movies; well, not in my case. We got to a room and another fear of mine happened. They hooked me up to the monitor! I did not want continuous monitoring, but I whipped out my handy dandy birth plan and they fixed that real quick! We waited for about an hour before they checked me. Longest. Hour. Ever.

Part 5: It’s About to Go Down!

After I was checked, I sent an update text at 5:22AM: “Water broke & I’m 3 cm dilated. [babyJo] is coming today!”

It was go time – we were pumped! I immediately got out of bed and started walking around. I told mrJo to stay resting and that I’d tell him when I needed him. I was determined to keep him well-rested because I didn’t know how long this labor would last! He continued to time my contractions, which at this point were a minute apart and lasting a minute almost on the dot. At this point, I could talk through the contractions if I wanted to, but started practicing my breathing exercises and continuing to walk around the room when possible.

Eventually, walking and talking during contractions got more and more difficult. I asked for a birthing ball and tried to use this as much as possible, but I really didn’t like it. Sometimes I labored on my hands and knees while mrJo or my mom pushed into my hips and lower back. That kind of helped, but I thought that was pretty overrated based on the stories I had heard. I tried sitting on the toilet, wasn’t a fan of that either. Ultimately and ironically the most comfortable laboring position was just laying in bed on my left side!

Part 6: Why Isn’t it Going Down?!

Around 7AM when the nurses changed their shift, the new nurse checked me and I was still 3-4 cm dilated. Um… what?! I’m not 10 yet?! It’s been forever! At that point I realized maybe I was still in early labor and I should try to rest. So I started trying to sleep in between contractions.

Eventually sleeping was NOT an option anymore. Like, ouch. Or wait. I’ll change the language. It was a lot of “pressure”. So I made the mistake of asking them to check me again only about an hour later – still around 4 cm dilated. Okay, now I’m mad!

Another thing that would prove to really cause frustration was a prediction by mrJo (not blaming him. He was just excited) that the baby would come around 11AM, after 12 hours of labor. So I started watching that clock. 11AM it is, I thought! Around 10AM, only an hour before “go time” they checked me again and I was 5 cm dilated. At first I thought, “Yay! Halfway there!”, then mistakenly countered with, “Wait, but I’m supposed to deliver in an hour! How am I supposed to get to 10 in an hour?!”.

Part 7: “Please Give Me the Epidural!”

Around noon, things were more intense than ever. I screamed for the epidural at the peak of every contraction. Sorry, at the highest point of every “wave”. At this point, I was tuning out the affirmations that had helped me so much through my pregnancy and early labor. I controlled my breathing only at the beginning and end of every contraction; the peak was uncontrollable.

It got to the point where I looked at my mom, who has had three children, in the eyes and told her “you don’t understand how much pain I’m in!”. LOL, like what? I hated mrJo at that point. He kept saying “you do not want the epidural, you’re going to regret it” and would give me false options like “if you tell me three times while you’re not having a contraction that you want it, I will let you have it”. I definitely told him more than three times in between contractions and he still didn’t allow it (I love him for that, by the way).

They checked me and I was 7 cm dilated. If I got the epidural at this point, it’d be pointless. I’m almost there. But honestly I was out of energy. The fruit I had eaten had all been expelled by now (fancy and classy way of me saying I threw it up… whoops). So I did elect to get some medicine to help me sleep. I talked through the pros and cons with the nurse and made my decision that I definitely do not regret! After that I was able to sleep in between contractions and I had the energy when it really was go time!

Part 8: “She Hee-Hee-Hoo’d Herself to Sleep!”

Around 2:00 PM I had the most overpowering need to push! It’s time, I thought! The nurse checked me and I was 8 cm dilated, at 0 stationed, and 90% effaced. So it wasn’t quite time. If I pushed I could tear. But I could not stop it! This is where things started to get VERY graphic. I won’t go into detail here, but I am so sorry, Nurse Shannon. Another nurse came to help me use breathing techniques so I wouldn’t push. I fell asleep while I was doing the exercise, hence the quote for Part 8.

Soon after, my doctor arrived and walked into the room… in his normal, Saturday afternoon clothes… with his hand in his pocket… just casual. My thoughts about that? Ummm – sir can you go get dressed?! Why are you talking to me! I need to push!

Part 9: “Look down!”

At 3PM my doctor returned in his scrubs. He checked me and I was 10 cm, 100% effaced, and he didn’t have to tell me the station, the doctor just said “his head is right here!”. NOW, it’s go time.

Apparently he gave me instructions on how to push, definitely didn’t hear those. So my first push was accompanied by me screaming. I guess you’re not supposed to do that. So he told me it’d be easier if I didn’t make noise. LOL basically he told me to shut up.

Let me pause to say this was my favorite part of the whole thing and it was easy to me! I could actually DO something about my contractions rather than just wait them out. It was so rewarding.

After the second push (done the right way), I heard “his head!” and the doctor said, “a couple more like that and I think we’ll have a baby!”.

Third push. “Oh my gosh!”

Fourth push. Apparently I wasn’t supposed to push that time. The cord was wrapped around babyJo’s neck. Very loosely though, so luckily the doctor was still able to fix it.

Fifth push. “Look down!”

“Why are they telling me to look down”, I thought. And then I heard him. And then I saw him. And then I held him. At 3:13 PM on Saturday, March 12th after about 16 hours of labor and 10 minutes of pushing, mrJo and I finally got to meet babyJo.

Part 10: And Life Has Never Been the Same

6 pregnancy symptoms i expected, but underestimated

6 pregnancy symptoms i expected, but underestimated

by newbjo ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Like most newly pregnant women, I downloaded the “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” mobile app and use a lot of information from the many different resources. Although there’s a lot of information on possible symptoms, every pregnancy experience is different. So you can expect all you want, but it may not happen. Or it will happen and you still won’t be ready!

Here are six symptoms I was told to expect, but was not mentally or physically prepared for!

symptoms pic

Fatigue

In my first trimester, I was DONE at all times. Getting out of bed was the hardest task in life and I couldn’t bring myself to do anything around the house. I’m sure mrJo thought I was really useless. I yawned at least once per minute and got a lot of “are you okay?” from coworkers. However, I did not have any morning sickness, so I guess there’s a trade off there.

Food Aversions & Cravings

Okay. These are two symptoms I really thought were fake. False. My dad loves to BBQ… like everyday loves to BBQ. I liked his grilling – before babyJo. When we moved back in with my parents, I had to close the myself off in the bedroom when he grilled because the smell made me feel both sick and angry. I would get so mad, sincerely. But what am I supposed to say, “Grrrr stop grilling your delicious food for dinner!”?

The cravings are real. Mouthwatering, can’t live your life without it right this second, real. Some of the cravings throughout my pregnancy: cereal, pickles, marshmallows, apple pie (OMG APPLE PIE… sorry, still pregnant), the smell of alcohol – red wine in particular, Dr. Pepper in a can, Zoe’s Kitchen, dinner rolls, and roasted vegetables.

Emotional Breakdowns

I’ve never cried so much in my life. One time, during my first trimester, I was at work and took my last sip of my water. So I got up and started walking towards the break room to refill my water bottle. I remember thinking “man I really thought that bottled water would last me awhile”. The next thing I knew, tears. Tears everywhere. I was SO sad that I ran out of water.

I also feel for mrJo. So many times I broke down in tears before bed without explanation. By my 3rd trimester, I would just tell him “I’m sad” and point to the bump. Then he’d open up his arms to prepare for the water works. I love him.

Itching

Now this, I wasn’t expecting. I had to Google it (which brought me to Baby Center). I’m writing this in my 29th week and trying my very hardest not to itch! In addition to your belly growing during pregnancy, the rest of your body may itch because of hormones (when in doubt, your symptom is because of hormones). My palms, breasts, and tummy itch the most. See the Baby Center post for suggestions if this is happening to you, but what “helped” me the most was cold water and lots of lotion/Vitamin E. Also trying to trick myself to not think about it by blogging, reading, or coloring (Adult coloring books. Mindful Therapy. Duh.)

Dizziness

This symptom is in all the apps, books, and blog posts, but I underestimated it. This varies by person and you should talk to your doctor if it affects you! I personally would know when the dizzy spell was coming because it was typically introduced first by a hot flash. If not a hot flash, I would suddenly feel very crowded, car sick, or just sensitive to the environment in general. Unfortunately, one day it hit me while driving on the highway. I was able to pull over, but I ended up on an ambulance and in the ER from that incident. Iron became very important in my diet during the second half of my pregnancy. Even still, I would get a dizzy spell every couple of days.

Pain/Discomfort

As fetuses grow, your organs are literally squished in the corner somewhere and your bones and muscles have to adjust as well. I know that’s not very scientific, but all that hurts! Your growing baby can result in shortness of breath, hip pain, back pain – the works. Talk to your doctor about your pain level and what you can do. For me, I found that sitting on an exercise ball (also referred to as a birthing ball), stretching, visiting the chiropractor, and a maternity pillow helped relieve some pain. But what was most life changing for me was athletic tape! My chiropractor wrapped me and it really took the pressure off my hips. I later bought this pregnancy band for support and it really helped as well.

As I write this, I haven’t even met babyJo, but all of the above is already so worth it. Every time it seems to be “too much” he kicks right on cue to remind me it’s all for a good cause. I’ll emphasize again: every pregnancy is different. Don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor or midwife about what you’re experiencing to see if there’s anything they can do to help.

What other symptoms have you experienced or heard about during pregnancy?

how i got started with essential oils for pregnancy

how i got started with essential oils for pregnancy

by newbjo ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I’ve always seen Pinterest posts about essential oils and didn’t know much about them, except that they’re good for you. It’s when I decided to give birth to babyJo naturally that I started seeing more about essential oils in my research.

During my third trimester I started experiencing major pain. I’m petite and a human is growing inside me, so some pain was expected – but WOW! My doctor recommended I visit a chiropractor and I am so glad I made that appointment.

As I walked into the office I could smell the essential oils being diffused. That was probably enough to get me started, but when the chiropractor used a blend on my hip after my adjustment it sealed the deal. At this point there were only a few things I knew about essential oils:

  1. They’re not cheap! But they’re a good investment because each oil is so pure you only need a drop or two
  2. Some oils aren’t recommended for pregnancy
  3. Some oils aren’t recommended for childbirth
  4. Some oils aren’t recommended for breastfeeding
  5. Some oils work wonders for pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding!

oils starter pic

After doing some research and consulting with my doctor and others, here was my first order:

  • Lavender (x2): I love lavender anyway, but this helps with a good nights rest. If you’re in the third trimester, you need all the help you can get!
  • Peace & Calming: This is for relaxation and better rest – I told you I’ll try anything!
  • Frankincense: can be used if I get sick (since I don’t take any OTC medication while pregnant) and also after child birth for the umbilical cord stump
  • Valor: Mainly for backaches, but can also be used if I get sick
  • Lemon: For both immune support and mood support! I’m planning to diffuse this in the labor room.
  • Peppermint: this is sort of a go-to for pregnancy discomforts in general!
  • Tea Tree: although this is generally regarded as safe for pregnancy, I’m not quite sure what it does… yet!
  • Purification Blend: I will be using this as a natural air purifier.
  • NingXia Starter Kit: This was recommended by another mom because it helps you get all your nutrients during pregnancy! I got the starter kit to try it out.

Also in my order, but not doctor recommended or in my research are oils and blends that just came in the collection I purchased. So I’ll hold off on using these until I find out more information:

  • Joy Blend
  • Stress Away Blend
  • Thieves Blend
  • PanAway Blend
  • M-Grain: I must admit I was just trying to get rewards here and I needed to buy one more thing. But mrJo gets bad headaches so this is my gift to him.

I’m excited to receive my order and write more about the benefits of essential oils in my pregnancy, childbirth, and beyond! Please share in comments your experiences!

Where I got started (with my member information added in case you don’t have another contact): www.youngliving.com/signup

Some blogs and resources that helped me with my first order:

7-ish questions first time home buyers should ask their realtor

7-ish questions first time home buyers should ask their realtor

by newbjo ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

 

Before even meeting mrJo, I knew I wanted to be a home owner as soon as possible after graduating college. I even considered purchasing while still in college and turning the home into a rental property when I graduated! Essentially, I felt like I was throwing away money on rent.

Post-graduation and after 6 months of starting my career, I was talking to my realtor about purchasing my first home. But I didn’t know mrJo was planning his proposal! He actually contacted my realtor via Facebook and asked her to convince me to wait!

Once we were married and knew babyJo was on the way, we definitely wanted to be in our own space! Here’s a list of 7-ish questions we asked our realtor during our prior consultation.

You should note that my realtor happens to be my aunt. So there is probably a separate list of questions you would ask if you were interviewing a realtor and unfortunately I don’t have that resource. We went with my aunt not just because she’s family, but because she’s a GREAT realtor and makes it her mission to educate people on the process. And we definitely needed some educating!

questions graphic

  1. Should we apply for a loan through your finance contact or can we get a better rate at a credit union/shopping around?
    First off, advice that was given to us by our pre-marital counselor was that if your realtor has their own finance contact, you know they’re the real deal. Luckily our realtor has a contact, but encouraged us to shop around for a “Good Faith Estimate” which was described as a high level interest rate that’s given without pulling our credit. Getting that information gives us some more leverage and we could be offered some incentives to apply for loans.
  2. How do realtor fees work?
    Okay was this a dumb question for home buying? We didn’t know! We learned that the seller pays commission for both the listing and the buying agent. So no need for you to pay the realtor. You probably don’t need to ask this question; it’s just here because we did!
  3. What are some of the biggest challenges in the home buying process?
    This is going to ultimately depend on you, but it’s good to get the opinion of your realtor and maybe get some tips. Our realtor’s opinion was that narrowing down a location was the most challenging part, but that maybe because we live in Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas where there are SO many options.
  4. What neighborhoods are you most familiar with?
    This question was really helpful because we had a general list of some areas we’re interested in and it was nice to highlight the ones our realtor shows in more often. You can also ask what the process would look like or if there would be any delay if you want to be shown a home in an area your realtor is unfamiliar with. Ours mentioned that she would need to do some further analysis beforehand.
  5. Can you provide us with some analysis on the areas we’re interested in?
    This may not be something that you want during the prior consultation (probably too much to swallow), but it’s good to know what resources you will have available to you throughout the process. Some information you may want include: popular features in homes in that area, market value, how long houses stay on the market, growth/decline, school ratings (Schools are rated 1-10; is that also common knowledge? Clearly I knew nothing), utility company options/restrictions, etc.
  6. What incentives, grants, etc. do you think we qualify for?
    The answer to this boiled down to the different loans there are: Conventional, FHA, and VA for veterans. Ask to get your realtor’s input based on your situation!
  7. Can you give me a high level of some of the basic terminology in home buying?
    This is the “ish” part. Basically mrJo and I watch a lot of HGTV and look on Zillow a lot. We notice a lot of terminology that we wanted decoded! Here are some of the things we asked about, I won’t go into the answers for each because I’m not a professional and don’t want you to take my word for it!

    1. Pre-Approval vs. Pre-Qualify
    2. Appraisal vs. Inspection
    3. Auction vs. Foreclosure (we learned a LOT here)
    4. Short sale: what is it and why is it said to be a long process?
    5. Fees: Option fee, Earnest Money, closing costs, etc.
    6. Taxes: non-exempt vs. homestead exemption
    7. HOA & Codes (also learned a lot here!)

What other questions do you have? Add to your list and also comment below.