Today mrJo and I celebrate one whole year together! And yes, the time did fly. We heard many things about this first year. Top 3?

It’s the honeymoon phase!

You’re newlyweds!

And most of all:

The first year is always the hardest!

The first two are so refreshing. But I always wondered why someone would say the third comment to newlyweds in the honeymoon phase. I understand being a realist, but what a buzz kill.

So how was our first year of marriage? BUSY. People joke about all the things we had going on during the first year. So here it is in chronological order!

September 20, 2015: First Comes Love, Then Comes

Marriage! After an 18 month engagement, we were definitely ready to tie the knot. We had an unforgettable wedding day with family & friends. Our officiant was also our pre-marital counselor. That made for such a personal experience rather than a scripted ceremony.

Side Note
Although this post is about marriage, I’ll state that our pre-marital counseling was the most uncomfortable and rewarding experience we’ve had. I mean uncomfortable in the best way possible. These sessions helped us have the crucial conversations that ultimately made the first year of marriage less difficult. We talked about communication styles, love languages, managing finances, sex, family, and so much more.

Our honeymoon was in Negril, Jamaica and we had a blast exploring the island and just relaxing in our resort. When we returned from Jamaica, it was back to reality.

November 2015: Moving In… With Parents

At this point, I was around 4 months pregnant and we wanted to stop paying rent and start saving to purchase a home. We went from renting a nearly 3000 sq. ft. home to living in one bedroom, one bathroom, and a den. I know, first world problems.

We were in the “Honeymoon Phase”. The challenge was living with my parents during a time where we really wanted to… show our affection to each other. Our room was right across the hall from where my parents slept. Are you starting to get our problem? Although my parents definitely gave us our privacy, it was still difficult to have a complete sense of privacy after living on our own for six months.

Although it’s not traditional, living together before marriage worked to our advantage. We didn’t need to get used to living habits during our first year. We knew how each other lived and had learned to live together. He knew to watch out for the drawers I leave open and the toothpaste lid would always be missing. I knew he would never put dirty clothes in the hamper (always 1 foot away from the hamper, but never in the hamper) and there would always be hair on the sink after he shaved his head & trimmed his beard.

January 2016: Marriage is About Compromise

After the holidays were over, we finally decided to meet with our realtor. We were determined to buy our first home before babyJo arrived in March. The back up plan was to rearrange our den at my parents’ house for a “nursery” and my parents definitely got attached to that idea (first time grandparents).

It would have been amazing if we had the exact same requirements during the house hunt. This was not the case. mrJo wanted a newer home and was okay with renovations. I knew an older home would be more in our budget and was absolutely against a house that needed work. In writing that, I realize our individual preferences were unreasonable.

We found that the hardest thing to agree on was the priority of properties to see. Once we actually went to a showing, we were on the same page about a lot of things. Some features we both agreed on included a decent sized master bathroom, a centralized location, good school districts, a nice backyard, and we didn’t want a pool.

Here came the scary part. The market was competitive at our price point and houses were flying off the market on the weekends. So we agreed with our realtor that we were open to submitting blind offers without both of us going to a showing. One day, mrJo left work to view a property. He texted me:

This is it!

This is where our trust was put to the test! And I think we passed with flying colors. I told him to submit the offer. After it was submitted, I was able to view the property and it was the perfect compromise. It was an older home that needed just a couple of small projects done, but was still move-in ready. This was about the fourth or fifth house that we fell in love with and submitted an offer.

February 2016: Moving Out… Together

It was nearing our deadline of February 28th when we got a call from our realtor. We were used to hearing “they didn’t accept the offer”, so our energy was low when we answered. Feeling defeated, we knew that when we reached our deadline we’d have to stop the house hunt and get ready for the baby to arrive while living at my parents’ house.

“They accepted the offer!”

Finally! Let’s buy our first home. What a great milestone for newlyweds. Although exhausted after the closing meeting, we were so excited.

As if we didn’t have enough going on, we had our baby/diaper shower the day before our big moving day. As we packed up at my parents house, I remember us commenting the entire time about how blessed we are. Over half of the moving truck was filled with gifts from our wedding and baby showers. That alone demonstrates how many people we have in our corner, which I believe is so important in a marriage.

March 2016: Then Comes a Baby in a Baby Carriage

After moving into our home, and spending about two weeks moving, painting, and cleaning it was time to have a baby. Once babyJo joined us, our whole world changed. Our marriage changed. Everything changed!

Through this experience we became a true team. We also really learned the importance of communication. We had to be open with each other about what we need, including updating each other on our love languages.

Prior to having a baby, physical touch and acts of service were not as important to me. But because my body had just gone though such a dramatic change, I needed some validation from mrJo in the form of physical touch. I needed more hugs, or even just his hand on my leg while we watched TV. I needed acts of service because I am not a natural homemaker and I’m a first time mom. Taking care of the baby and cooking, and doing laundry, and doing the dishes, and getting the mail all by myself was going to be too much for me. I needed him to serve me as well.

Because my need for acts of service increased, so did his need for words of affirmation. Also, since we added a new member to our little family, he needed more quality time with me. It couldn’t just be about babyJo.

April 2016: Date Night

Before having a baby, we just went on dates when we wanted to! We had to make an adjustment with a newborn. For the first six weeks of babyJo’s life, we didn’t have a date night. I actually don’t think I ever got out of pajamas before then. At this point we started monthly date nights without babyJo, and weekly date nights as a family.

Monthly, we put a lot more thought into our date night. It’s an event that’s planned ahead or tickets need to be purchased, or a nice dinner. Weekly, it’s usually dinner at our regular restaurant just the three of us. Or even if we stay in, we watch a movie together or just talk – but we make sure we’re spending time together with undivided attention.

Sometimes the monthly date nights come long overdo! There have been times when we find ourselves not in sync, arguing over small things, or just not communicating effectively. Then babyJo’s grandparents watch him for a night or over the weekend and we have time to ourselves. It always makes such a huge difference!

June 2016: Adios, babyJo!

Before babyJo was even in my belly, mrJo and I planned a trip for a destination wedding in Mexico! After we found out the news, we went back and forth about whether or not we should cancel the trip given that we’d be new parents. We’re both so glad we didn’t!

We got some much needed us time for an extended period of time (even though we were calling quite often to check on babyJo). We got to party together, relax together, and talk together. We had a lot of conversations about how we can better communicate with each other. Conversations like those are a lot easier to have with the sound and view of the ocean in the background (and a margarita).

September 2016: Round 2

As we reflect on our first year of marriage, we realize that we stayed busy. Pregnancy, a new house, our first child, job changes, a new car, and new priorities. While preparing for year two of marriage, we plan to take these steps to make sure that the first year remains the hardest:

• Make SMART goals for the year (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timebound)
• Have weekly family meetings to check in our each other and monitor progress on our goals
• Have an additional weekly meeting focused on finances
• Limit big decisions (no more new cars, new houses, new humans, etc.)

We can’t truly comment on whether or not the first year was actually the hardest; it’s all we know! It did have it’s hard moments, but I think through it all we were able to learn a lot about each other. We even learned a lot about ourselves individually. This has been an amazing journey and I’m so happy to be mrsJo!